Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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