dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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