i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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