on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.