He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
