Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
