Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
