you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
