I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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