a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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