mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
