yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
