so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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