It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
