Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
