it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Randomize
