whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I love having hate sex.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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