im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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