the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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