My nipple is on Facebook.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
