How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
