I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
