New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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