Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
