My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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