so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Michael Bay diarrhea
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
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