You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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