So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
