Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My pussy is not your playground.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
