I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think I died a long time ago.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
