You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
