at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
