mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me