Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.