I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms