I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
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Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??