3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
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I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."