Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
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So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
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I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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