I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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