i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
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Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
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Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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