Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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