i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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