Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
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