I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
