1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
