No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
