Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
