I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
