If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
