it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
