I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
