No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
They have beer where we have blood.
Randomize
