Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Alive.
So much puke
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
