tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize