My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
