And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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