well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
