why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
