We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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