you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
