i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
