How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
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