I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
it's like iHOP with fire
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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