i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
