i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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