You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
