well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
