Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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