U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
