I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
