maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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